Lost Transcript of Interview with Pat from Jaunt

File ID: 114-746661-2
File Name: Jaunt_talk_they're_a_band_2.mp3


[Inside Roland's father's ice-fishing shack]

Audience:
[applause]

RW:
Hello, Pat from Jaunt the band, I apologize for the informalities and briefness of my questions here, I wasn't sure how to best phrase them for our correspondence, and as such I have prepared my most poignant, conversation inducing questions for you.

Something about love,

Roland W. Wardrobe P.I.

Onto the things I have for you!

Audience:
[ooo's and ahh's]

RW:
Which celebrity chef most influences your music?

Pat:
I’d probably say Guy Fieri, we’re aspiring for every song to take you to Flavour town.

RW:
Best bathrooms on the tour?

Pat:
Whichever one is closest to the venue, without actually being in the venue.

RW:
Have any of you peed your pants on stage?

Pat:
To my knowledge, in this band no, but it almost happens pretty often.

RW:
Other than money, what is your preferred payment for physical copies of Cue?

Pat:
If you provide us with enough compliments, we’ll probably give you a tape for free.

RW:
What object most sounds like Jaunt?

Pat:
A Bop-It!

RW:
Could you, as a group, perform a baptism in a pinch if it came up?

Pat:
4 out of the 5 of us could, I’m the only member not ordained as a priest.

RW:
That's a shame, you should try to find a seminary, I've heard the bedding is quite nice. Have you ever seen The Drunken Master and how do you feel about Jackie Chan keeping money in offshore accounts?

Pat:
Never personally seen ‘The Drunken Master’, but I’m personally okay with Jackie Chan finding some nice tax breaks!

RW:
Do you think 50's Westerns are a fair reflection of today's political climate?

Pat:
It really is the wild west out here.

RW:
Does my mother try to control my life?

Pat:

Mother knows best, so listen up.

Audience:
[applause]

 
Photo:  Kyle Berger
 

RW:
Can you teach my son to grow the fuck up?

Pat:
Not sure about that, still growing up myself.

RW:
Well hurry it the heck up! Does Duncan know how to kick-flip?

Pat:
No, but I think Tom does.

RW:
Why did you decide to make music when you could just play craps?

Pat:
I learned how to make music before I learned how to play craps, which I still don’t know how to play.

RW:
In my day, the twilight craps game was a rite of passage for kids. What does the colour yellow say to you?

Pat:
Generally pretty nice things. It’s an easy colour to like.

RW:
As long as it's nothing about Coldplay or submarines. Do you think you'd be able to spear a shark to death, if your life depended on it?

Pat:
100%

RW:
Buzzcut or bowl-cut?

Pat:
Having at least once had both, I’ll go with the buzzcut. The buzzcut involves minimal effort!

RW:
Who's the loneliest boy in Jaunt?

Pat:
Probably me but it’s not so bad out here!

RW:
I'm always here to be your Pat's Pen-Pal, I could even pretend to be you like one of those weird 90's 1-800 numbers you could call to talk to George Clooney but actually it's some guy named Laird sitting in a revolving chair... “On the back of all this thinking is a misplaced fear of staying still.” What can you tell us about this lyric and fears of being stagnant?

Pat:
As someone who doesn’t write the lyrics for the band, I should probably avoid this question but I’ll take it on. My take is that sometimes while life feels like a whirlwind of thoughts and decisions, we all have a mutual fear that we’re not progressing enough despite the chaos and change.

RW:
Sparrow or Snail? Forest or Street?

Pat:
A street snail

RW:
Get it, sis. Who in the band runs fastest, and what motor-powered vehicle could they outrun?

Pat:
My guess is Nick, the man is a beautiful specimen who also engages in physical activity more than the rest of us. He’s outrun several sports-cars in his time.

RW:
I had a feeling he could outrun a car, I fucking knew it. Have you ever snorted ether on the banks of Lake Simcoe?

Pat:
My aunt and uncle own a cottage on Lake Simcoe, so I partake in this activity every summer.

RW:
How do you cheer yourself up?

Pat:
Something I definitely avoid doing is looking at Instagram if i’m even in the slightest bit upset. It’s a wormhole for bad thoughts!

RW:
As long as it's not snorting ether that makes you happy, that's what did my Aunt Ethyl in. Where were you one Christmas Eve 2003?


Pat:
Probably dreaming of unwrapping a Gamecube over at my parents house.

RW:
I think this is a perfect place for a cliffhanger, thank you so much for your time and patience Pat.

Audience:
[applause]

RW:
Pat! It's Pat, everybody!

Audience:
[roaring applause]

RW:
Please, tune in next time to find out more about Pat's Pen Pal Company, and whether or not he got a Gamecube!

Check out Jaunt's new single, On Your Mind, and also definitely check out the rest of their music, don't listen to just one single you sloths, really dig in. They're good. Thanks again to Pat for dealing with us.

Also, while you’re here, why not read my review of Jaunt’s album, Cue?